The Power of Here
Being stuck in the bedroom I decorated at 15 years old has been a very out-of-body experience, yet at the same time, unavoidably introspective.
When I came home in March, it seemed I had come full circle. I left my room at 18 to start university, and there I was at 22, returning to finish.
I love visiting bedrooms because they give me a peak at what people love and take pride in; give me whispers who they are.
At 15, I was a young woman who had too many YA books, and yet, not enough. There is fake jewellery hanging on my wall with a sign reading, “For Arion”, as a treat to the immortal Greek horse who ate gold. There are a lot more stuffed animals than I remember. There are athletic awards reminding me I would cry if I left a match without a medal or giving 100 per cent. There are marionettes of Phineas & Ferb characters hiding in the corner.
Though I am usually embarrassed by what I see around my room, I am also in awe. I did not think I would make it past these walls. I did not think I would survive my school, or my friends, or my family, or myself – whatever my mind tried to make an enemy out of.
But I am here, writing, and you are here, reading. And, I know sometimes it seems there is too much noise to do either of these things - or anything else we love, for that matter. People are yelling about the economy. Some friends are debating majors. Others are deciding on engagement rings. We are learning we are not indestructible.
But despite all this, we are here.
When I look around my room, I smile fondly because of the memories of where I was. It reminds me of what I have overcome. Every day we are here holds hope from our past and nostalgia for our future. Every day, we get to participate in that process.
Your schooling, your job, your hobbies, your friends…everything can change if the tide is big enough. But do not put so much weight on what was or what will be for the ideas cripple you. It is easy to reminisce about the good ole’ days and dream about being the version of yourself you imagined at thirteen. Use it for good. Borrow strengths from your past. Use the future for a blueprint.
But here? Here, is where you create.
Do it for the you, as you exist now. You deserve a version of yourself you will like five minutes from now, as much as the one you will look back on five years from now.
When I look around my room, I can’t help but chuckle at what I liked. If I’m being honest, it’s because I know those parts of me aren’t too far out of reach. They are almost too easy to access – I could definitely spend a day curled up reading Percy Jackson.
But I’m also excited. For today. For here. Because I get to exist as I am and craft who I will be. No new identities to shade what was, or clear knowledge of the future to determine what will come.
I simply get to be. And so do you.